For the Love of Napkins

So when we are on the run or out working and need some food, we tend to stop at the name brand fast food chains. I try to stay with the more healthy franchises if that is even possible. So today I went to Subway which reminded me one of my most pet peeves, thats right, not enough NAPKINS. Of all the franchises, they make some of the messy foods, yet they must believe that one napkin will do you good. In fact  I am actually curious if their CEO’s belief is that they save billions of dollars by issuing one napkin. Jimmy Johns leaves their napkins out so you can take a bunch with no complaints. The Burger joints usually give enough napkins, but Subway guards their napkins as if they are handing out free money. I think its dumb that Subway is so guarded on their napkins and that is one reason why I would rather go to Jimmy Johns. I say no more your way, and more my way!


I was recently sick with a cold, and yes I am a guy so I thought I was going to die and that nobody on the history of this planet has ever been as stuffed up as I was. So one day I’m at work and I can’t breath through my nose for nothing and was blowing my nose every 15 minutes to only waste Kleenex’s because it was doing nothing. So I went to the local Hy-Vee and picked up some nasal spray, and I had never used it before, but I was desperate and thought what is the worse that can happen right? I call my wife and she tells me don’t get addicted to it like Doug Heffernan from King of Queens TV show. So I try it, and Oh My! It was like I wasn’t even sick, for 4 hours until it wore off, but I have noticed that it prolongs the situation, so don’t use more than 3 days. It is 2012, you would think by now, we would have some sort of medication that would clear you up in a day.

Another thing that has been bothering me is I am on the road quite often with my new gig, and a lot of the times I grab fast food to eat on the road. What I have noticed is I absolutely love fast food until I have ate it, then I feel like I just ate 50 hot dogs and milk in a hot dog eating contest. Why do we eat this crap? I use to joke with my old boss about LJS, those that don’t know, that is Long John Silvers. My theory is you can only eat it like once or twice a year otherwise you will die of a heart attack. But really I feel every time I eat a fast food meal, I just took another year off of my life, its so gross, but yet they make it taste so good.

Another thing that I have wondered while I travel from town to town, is when I use the restroom at the local gas stations, when I wash my hands, I feel like I have totally ruined the purpose when I shut the water off and open the door to go out.

Has anyone else noticed that people feel so entitled to everything now. I’m not sure if its the technology of everything at your finger tips and everybody feels awesome that they have smart phone when 12 year olds have the same phone as us. But lately I notice some people just think they are entitled to everything. We were on the freeway, and the sign stated that the right lane was closed ahead due to an accident, common sense tells you to get out of the right lane because its closed ahead. But no, people think, I can’t sit in my car in this jam, everybody is leaving the right lane, so I am going to the right lane and I’m going to pass all of you suckers and then cut back in. When did people start thinking why should I have to sit in traffic? I’m too good to be sitting in this traffic jam, i didn’t get in the accident, so I am going to speed by all of you listening to my favorite song “I’m too sexy for my car” and cut back in front of you a mile down the road because I deserve to get home 2 minutes before you.

christmas vacation / ABC Family / occupy

The thing I like about Christmas time is everybody is in a great mood, its a time of sharing and caring. Everybody has been drinking the “nice” kool-aid. Once that holiday is over, then its back to the grind at work and oh we have this long winter than is depressing to get through. So once Christmas is over, everything goes back to normal hustle bustle. I think that we should get Christmas break off from work like the kids in school. re-charge our batteries and to enjoy time with our families.

Speaking of family, ABC Family. So I am flipping through channels and this channel cracks me up. When you see a channel called ABC family, my thought is this must be a channel like Disney or Nickelodeon. Two shows they hype up all the time is “Pretty Little Liars” and the “Lying Game”. Do those seem like family shows? I think next fall they will have a show called “the serial killer cheerleader”, only on ABC Family.

Other good news, I heard that the new campground on SE 14th and Grand known as Occupy Des Moines got shot down 6-1 for renewal of their permit. I guess they will have to go get a job, or return back to their home if they have one. I think that they think they made a huge difference, as the rest of world knows they had zero impact. I’m sure they are already planning to create some other new project and belief to parade about.

What is going on?

I really hope that I don’t offend anybody with what you are about to read, and I hope that you can find the humor in it. Their is my warning label or whatchamacallit.

I understand that people who love to ride bikes want to be able to ride around the great city of Des Moines, and enjoy the same fresh air as others. But do we really need to take every four lane road in town and turn it into 2 lanes so that we can have bicycle lanes on some major roads? We do not live in CaliFloridaZona where the weather is like 60 or above 9 months of the year. We live in a climate where you get maybe 4 months of good biking. So why for the sake of humanity and rush hour do we have to kill our roads? I don’t even see these bicyclist that we have done this for, where are they? You would almost think that a law is coming to forbid us to drive our cars the rate our roads are going 4 lanes to 2. Seriously, how many of you are riding your bike in January that is not stationary? You know why, because it will be 10 degrees outside and the wind will be whipping you around right into that Dart bus, that is why.

I will be real short with this:

Dear Occupy Des Moines,

Can you please leave that park across the street from the state buildings. It really makes Des Moines look dumpy, and I don’t want to turn on the news here pretty soon to learn that all of occupy Des Moines protesters have died overnight due to freezing to death.



Tomorrow we can drive around this town, And let the cops chase us around. The past is gone, but something might be found to take it’s place.

Every time I hear this lyric from the Gin Blossoms, it reminds me of high school in my hometown. Mostly because I’m pretty sure this song came out when I was in high school, and 2. the cops did literally chase you around town. Small towns cops have nothing better to do than high speed chases at 25 mph for 3 blocks and then chase someone else around on a Saturday night in the little big town.

Speaking of High School, where are you at now TAG kids?? At my school they made every student feel that if you were not in TAG, well you can kiss Harvard good bye. I’m pretty sure our TAG kids went to the same 4 year schools that everybody else did.

Is there a more awkward time in anybodies life than Junior High? Like on the first day of 7th grade you roll in like you are something special, with your tight rolled jeans only to discover there must have been a fashion change over the summer. Or you go out for basketball and when you get your uniform for the first time you realize that the shorts are from 1970, you have to play in those in front of family, friends, and strangers. You have never showed off your tan line on your legs until that moment in front of a full gym. Yet you are expected to go out their and play. The whole time you are worried about how you look, and your not even thinking about what end of the court I am suppose to be at, or where I am suppose to be in the offense. You actually want to sit on the bench the whole game and hide. The only thing that got me through Junior High was the “Not Done With Your Homework Committee”, created by my best friend.  Everybody met in the cafeteria around 8am and copied off of each other and by 8:30am we were ready for some school. Apparently that doesn’t help you out too much at test time though.

ORANGE, you’ll never know.
- Bacon


Is that spelled just like the meat? Why yes it is. You don’t know how many times I get asked that. I will check in at a hotel or be talking to a customer service representative, and I know its coming as soon as they ask for my name. They either say like the meat or they actually ask me to spell it out. Yes, spell it out as if I am teaching 1st grade. I have yet to see or hear someone have the last name Bacon yet it spelled differently than well Bacon.

Have you ever wondered why an Orange is an Orange, and how do you know that I am talking about the fruit and not the color? OK duh, obviously the wording before gave it away. But seriously, all other fruits have a name, and colors have their own name. So did the early people, not sure if that would be cavemen, Indians, or Amish (just to let you know, I am fascinated with the Amish, so I use them a lot) just decide, you know what, we have named all other fruit, but this round looking thing that is the color orange, just has us baffled. What shall we call this crazy looking fruit? Since we can’t think of it, lets just call it an orange cause of its color, and now today people like me have to think of this on a daily basis.

A little bit of Spain in Iowa

This is my sister in law’s site. She is the one that is MacGyver in the kitchen. She can take any food item, and turn into gold. If you like food, Spain, and organic this is a good site for you.


This is my brother in law’s site, and it has more mustache than a 1970 Police Academy.


I have wanted to do this for a long time now. I really don’t have time to do it, but I am going for it anyways. I run a sports blog as well called Slacker Sports, and I am a huge slacker when it comes to that site as its hard to keep up with sports. This blog is much different than that one. This one is about the many random thoughts that go through my head throughout the day, you know, the ones when you are driving and make you laugh to yourself because you know if you share that with anyone you will be admitted to the local psych ward. I will share past experiences throughout my life as well, and some ideas that I have. I have a sister in law that is kind of a big deal that runs a site called ” A little bit of Spain in Iowa”. Its a food blog, I will make my own food post as well and she will see it as making fun of her, and I will see it as good humor. Do check her site though if you are all about organic, Spain, raw milk, and more. My sister-in-law took my wife and I to an Amish auction. I will definitely have to explain that day and the thoughts I had at a later time.

Have you ever thought about how to invent a disposable high chair? I have quite often. I have a young child who isn’t two yet, and believes that his high chair should be part of Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs 2. Cleaning a high chair is like cleaning out your car seats every night, and you know and I know that is like a twice a year event with the car. Spaghetti is bad, and rice is just plain ridiculous. It sticks to everything, and is all over the place. Every time we have some kind of rice in our meal, I seriously tell myself how grateful I am that I don’t live in China and have to do this everyday. If I was a millionaire, I would seriously take the high chair outside, pour a gallon of gas on it, and blow that thing up. Dishes are done!!!